my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
