we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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