Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
