working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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