He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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