I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
