Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize