Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
