I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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