In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
