girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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