I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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