i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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