i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I came so hard my ears popped.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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