No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize