he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
