OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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