I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
