I think I died a long time ago.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
