I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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