He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
