we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
