Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
