"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
