Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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