The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
ok first of all what the fuck
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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