i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
