just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Houston, we have a squirter
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
