my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
