Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
