im holly from the hills drunk
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
