Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize