Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
