U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
