Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
