Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
