I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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