Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
