I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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