If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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