It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
