I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
