my shit smells like andre
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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