i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
