she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
