It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
