I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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