No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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