Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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