HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
