i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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