please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
