Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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