can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize