Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
