So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
