Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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