my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
