Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
