i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
