so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
