Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
