i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
