the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
