so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
