omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
