dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Randomize