If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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