at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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