is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
