trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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