So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So much rum. So many feels.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
