I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize