so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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