I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
