just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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