I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
