I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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