either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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