dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am one with the molecules
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
