Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
