i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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