Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
