Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
