you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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