is your mom at the bar?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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