What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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