okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
