I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You did what with his pubic hair?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
