dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
organizing the empties. That sober.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
