There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
