Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize