You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
