i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
