shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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