So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
