just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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