You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
